Apples & Oranges

Apples and oranges totally different. Take a look and you will see. It doesn't take a real bright person or rocket scientist to tell that they are different. I mean come on folks even I can tell the difference and no one would accuse me of being the brightest bulb in the lamp so get real. It's so obvious, they are different. Just by looking at the outside you can see that they are two completely different things. Not only do they look different, but they taste, feel and smell different.

Grief is like apples and oranges, no two people have the same feelings, textures, tastes, smells, memories or layers of grief. Yes, some of it may have some things that might seem the same, but trust me that old saying "walk a mile in my shoes to see how I feel" is the only way to truly know how a grieving person feels.

There is no way that I would want any of you to experience the life that I have since April 3rd, 2010. That goes without saying but cut me some slack. I don't know how you feel and you can't possibly know or understand how I feel.

Most people are super fantastic and supportive. Most people would walk across a burning fire to come to save me if they thought there was anyway possible to make my life better. Most people in my life are the exception to the rule, supportive, loving and always have my back. People who are constantly lifting me up and working hard to protect and care for me. I love you guys.

Looking back on the people who I have loved so much in my life who knew deep grief - my Grandpa QD. When Grandma Pearl died after over 50 years of marriage together, he remarried a year after my grandmother died. What an uproar that caused. Still don't know why. No one knew how or what he was feeling without Grandma Pearl. They didn't walk in his shoes, they didn't feel his pain, or his sadness. Getting married gave him a longer life. I told him I was happy for him. I couldn't understand his grief then, but I can understand his loneliness now.

D's Dad did the same thing after his Mom died. He got a longer life out of his second marriage. The companionship alone is worth years to many people.

Why then do people who find happiness and love after their spouses die feel ashamed or made guilty about their new lives. They don't have to explain it to me or anyone else. But one thing they don't have to do is try to minimize my grief, compare their grief to mine or downplay their own happiness because I am still grieving.

Don't play the "MY GRIEF IS BIGGER THAN YOUR GRIEF" game with me. You can't win. I won't let you and I won't play. My grief is my own, it belongs to me and only me. It is personal, it is compounded, it is complicated and it is extreme. It is painful and it is MINE !! You can't win this battle -


you are suppose to be happy. You are suppose to live your lives to the joy and contentment of the LORD. You are to rejoice and be glad in the day that HE has made. You don't have to be sad for me, you don't have to pretend to be sad because I am.

Get up and get moving - get on with your lives - I am living my life to the very best of my ability and with the GRACE of GOD I will survive !