I Can Feel It - It's Coming and I Can't Stop It !!!

It comes on slow some days - like the slow pain of a migraine, it starts just beyond the back of my heart, catching my breath on intake. Other times it hurts with great sharpness like one would imagine a knife being stabbed into their chest, but either way you can't breath, you can't think, all thoughts of rational living go out the window.

Who you are or plan to be on this given day is gone because today you are going on a ride - you are going to ride that horrible grief wave yet again.

Was it missing D across the breakfast table or the trip to the shop yet again without him by my side? Was it watching the school kids get on the bus and remembering Bo's first day of kindergarten as he got on the bus with Ricky and Michael McLeod? The memories flood into my heart and soul, the tears wash across my face as my mind races to capture them fast enough - beautiful memories that will have to last my lifetime.

There is no reasonable rational that it hits, there is no answer for it and there is no running from it. You have to embrace and go with it otherwise it will pull you under and suck the life out of you like a riptide. You will never rise to the surface again.

I have learned to let it hit me full in the face, knock me down, take me under, roll me over and over into the deep waters of the wave until I think I am going to drown. I give myself into it and then when I believe I am going to drown, GOD reaches down and pushes me from the very bottom of my feet out of that riptide. I shoot out of that grief wave with such massive force that I sail across these troubled waters into open air, blue sky's with heart shaped clouds and warm sunshine. Then I know that I have survived to live another episode of grief. That it is time to remember yet again that life goes on, that GOD's plan is perfect, GOD's timing is perfect and that Suffering equals Perseverance = Character = HOPE.