Think about it as you read this and how cancer may have affected you and others around you. As I sit in the bedroom typing this, I look over at D, a shell of the man he was 3 weeks ago. Rather than a 63 year old man, he looks and sounds like he is 90 years old. No amount of mouthwash or toothpaste can take the smell of death from his breath. It is there and it is horrid. His voice is but a whisper of the once strong and decisive voice he had. His skin has become paper thin and cold to touch, pasty white in color. His face is taking on the look of a shrunken head, his eyes sinking further back into his skull. He can no longer walk, has difficulty standing that is the physical, easy to see and touch change.
His mind is as sharp as always, his sense of humor strong and bold, sometimes even borders on wickedly funny. He is loving, forgiving, concerned for others. He is and remains always the man I fell in love with.
But cancer changes your home, there's a sign on our front door that indicates we have oxygen on site, a "D's sleeping come on in" sign, a DNR sign on the bedroom door, signs signs everywhere are signs. There is no "curb appeal in our front yard anymore just an unwritten sign that says "CANCER LIVES HERE - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK".
There are strangers present in our home, they come, they go, they hug, they whisper, they pray, they cry, the laugh, they bring papers for signatures, medications for D, your entire life changes around cancer.
The clothes I wear change, my hair is never fixed, I may or may not get a bath everyday, I were sweatpants and house shoes everyday. My life becomes all about easy and fast. Sometimes I remember to eat and sometimes I don't. Our bank account changes, I may or may not remember to pay a bill. My life revolves 24/7 around the most important person in my life D and he is the entire focus of my being. His life revolves 24/7 around me because without me none of this cancer stuff makes sense.
There are the people who avoid us or only stop by for a few because they don't understand how to talk or deal with a dying person or you have the earthly angels that come in abundance with food, prayers, time and love. Cancer changes the way they look at you but it also changes the way you look at them. It changes the way they treat you but more importantly it changes how they treat D. Some talk at him, to him, or around him, some treat him just like they always did. Some make me angry, frustrate me and just make me want them to stay away, but it isn't about me - it's about D.
Sometimes I wish, but mostly I pray that I could take the pain away from my beautiful daughters' eyes and the sadness in my grandchildren's faces as they watch this beautiful and loving man disappear before them. As they are further injured by the actions of others who fail to understand that cancer is a universal language as devastating to our family as a tsunami. It is a wave of tragedy.
Insensitivity and pity are not traits that D and I taught our children and are not ones that are tolerated well in others. Stupidity, rudeness, coldness, indifference are not located in the dictionary under the word CANCER - if you look CANCER up in D and J's family dictionary you will find some of the following:
GOD FAITH HOPE PEACE MERCY GRACE FOREVER GOD FILLED AWESOME
Boldness Kindness Love Compassion Caring Directness Gentleness
Friendship Fellowship Fun Laughter Joy Blessed Anger Forgiveness
Heaven Eternity
There are so many more, but as you reflect on cancer and how it relates to your life, why don't you start your own family dictionary. Just remember the most important word to start any task with is a simple three letter word :
GOD
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