Dying Etiquette 101

Etiquette - Rules governing socially acceptable behavior.

No, I am not talking about rules for D to die by but rules for those of us around him to live by, visit him by and just to take with us into the next journey with some one else. There will be another D journey, another life for us to touch, another family to bless or be cursed by depending on how we treat that family as they walk in a most difficult path. I chose to learn from the road we have been on and to change some of my habits for the next family so that they will not see the person I once was when I visit them. From D's journey I have learned that I have fallen short in many ways when it comes to caring for, loving and taking care of those around me who have been touched by disease, illness, financial hardship and death. With GOD's grace and HIS hand guiding me I pray to be a better example of HIS love in the future.

There is a realization that people need lesson's in the 101 of the art of being in the home and rooms of people who are dying or sick. I truly see such a reflection of myself in others so don't think for one minute that I am going lightly here, I have changes to make. There is room for all of us to take something away from what I see in myself and what has been shown to me by others.

Everyone who has come here to our home has come with the GREATEST of intentions. EVERYONE has come with the GREATEST gift of love, care and compassion. But, some have left their honest to goodness sense of common decency at the door. So today I sat back and reflected which we all know is dangerous and came up with a list of don't's and do's.

Don't come in to someone's home an complain because they have animals - it is the dying person's pet your speaking about after all, and his companion.

Did you know that the last sense to go is the sense of hearing? So, common sense would say --- that's right ---
don't stand around a dying person's bed and ask stupid questions. Do you think he's gonna die tonight? Why is he breathing like that? Why does his foot look like that? Don't slap them on the arm or constantly rub their skin.

Did you just go out and have a nice lunch? Oh, how kind of you to call and offer the family something. Well, if you didn't, don't come in and tell them about what a great lunch you had.

DON'T be loud and obtrusive in the sick room when they are trying to rest.
DON'T question their treatment and their caregivers abilities in front of them.
DON'T overstay your welcome. USE GOOD SENSE. The caregiver is focused on the dying person and really, really wants to be kind, but that's were the focus is and should be.
DON'T be sensitive - sometimes the best help is privacy and prayers.


DO talk about the way you love them, the happiness they have brought to your life. DO tell them what you will do for their family when they have gone to HEAVEN, if you mean it.
DO speak about happy times you shared with them.
DO speak softly and calmly but not loudly.
DO touch gently and ask if it's okay, dying people are sensitive to touch.
DO call often.
DO send cards.
DO stop by the home for short visits.
DO NOT DO NOTHING !!!!!

The worst DON'T is DON'T think it doesn't matter because it does !

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness - Galatians 5:22 - DO bring all of these and there is no way you can fail because you are bringing the gift of GOD when you come and with HIM nothing else matters !