Sunday - A Day for Living !

Sunday - The first day of the week. Last night when I went to bed I prayed and prayed for the strength to get up in time for church this morning. Going to church and being with my church family is one of those things that gives me strength at the same time that it sapes my strength.

The effort to get off the couch, take a shower, get dressed and drive. Just to focus on driving is such a chore. When you are sad and depressed, it takes such effort just to walk. Today, when I woke up I said "thank you GOD, today I chose to live. Today, I chose to get my butt off this couch and go to church but YOU have to help me." and HE did.

Today was the first Sunday of change for me, today, I wore pants to church. I never wear pants to church, but today since I will be going to church as a widow, since I was different on the inside, I was going to be different on the outside. That was as far as the change went. I still sat in the same pew, still parked in the same parking spot and still carried the same bible. But I am soo o o o o o different on the inside. GOD is changing me for HIS purpose.

Today, I felt D's presence in the church rather than his absence. Today, I felt others praising and worshipping GOD, rather than HIS absence. Today, I was glad to be in the GOD's house rather than on the couch. Today, I was thankful to be alive rather than depressed. Today, I was blessed to be loved by GOD and D.

After church I went to the cemetery to clean up the flowers that might have been destroyed from the last rainstorm. GOD had sustained those flowers, just as HE sustains me. Just as HE loves me and cares for me. After a long talk with GOD and D at the cemetery, I take a slow drive home just thinking and praying about the life I have and GOD's mission for me.

More questions than answers, more indecisions than decisions. But most of all what I received today was the gift of life. Phonecalls, text messages and personal visits from family and friends to remind me that I have much to live for. Thank goodness GOD isn't finished with me yet and neither are they.

Today the first day of the week I lived, I got off the couch and I lived. It was hard, it was difficult and parts of it I didn't like at all. Tomorrow is a different day, but GOD knows the plans HE has for me. The plans to prosper me and not harm me. The plans for my future.

I love you every one of you and thank you for all you are doing for me. Please don't stop - I still have so much to get through and a whole lot of living and grieving left to do.

For now it is one breath at a time. Good night !