Date Day with Depression

Today is my first Saturday in 28 years without D. WOW ! what an adjustment..Saturday's are always date day. After work, I get dressed up and we go out, have a few drinks and then a nice meal. Then it's home to spend the rest of the day together. Sometimes we are at the cabin out in the woods together, but most every Saturday of our lives for the past 28 years we have been together doing nothing or something. Today was sooooooo different.

Today was a date day with depression. I have never been a depressed person, but today, I truly became the picture for the poster. Am I pathetic NO! I am real, I am a grieving widow whose best friend and partner has just died. Is this normal? YOU BETCHA ! If I was doing anything else you should worry.

Today, I shut off the phone, turned on no brainer tv and vegged. Today, I pretended D was watching NASCAR and life was normal. The lies don't help. I never got out of the clothes I slept in, I did brush my teeth, comb my hair and answer text messages so my wonderful family and friends would know that I am processing and dealing in my way.

Today I tried to grieve, but I just made TAC and OLLIE more depressed. They won't leave my side, they know my heart is broken and they try to love me better. Today, I dated depression, I flirted around the edges of my box still afraid to open it, danced with memories and drank in the smell of the past. Today, I tried to process life without D, but just can't get past the next 5 seconds of my life so I stop.

Today I decided that GOD will just have to keep carrying me because I am to weak to walk, to tired to sleep and to broken to be put back together.

HE will heal me and all the wonderful people HE has put in my life are HIS bandaids.

GOD will provide the answers to my questions and the sealant to stop the leakage from my shattered heart. HE will send friends with the needles,thread and patches to weave a fine tapestry of love into my life that will someday turn date days with depression into a day of love and laughter.

Maybe someday date days with depression will become more like the song that says "Saturday what a day for a walk in the park"