Christmas Eve 2011

It's 3 a.m. Christmas Eve,the boys are nestled all snug in my bed, I'm upstairs unable to sleep with visions of Christmas past rushing in my head. Presents remain unwrapped, cookies undecorated, as I set unable to motivate the desire to make myself complete any of those wonderful task I always enjoyed doing in the past.

Today was a very difficult day and I was selfish, focused on myself to much, cried to much, whined to much and just plain didn't like myself at times today. Shouldn't allow people who don't want me in their lives anymore to bother me, just have to learn to deal with the hurt and move on. It's funny how you can be part of a family for 30 years and then when you husband dies some of them no longer want anything to do with you. It's like I died with him, so I put my big girl panties on and learn to deal with it. Move on and accept the things that I can't change. It's hard to learn something you thought you knew to find out it was never really true to begin with.

But what I have learned today is that most memories new and old are the blessings of my life. The boys and I had such a wonderful time, they received their gifts from Uncle Bo and Papaw tonight. Spending the night, bath time, dinner, playing together, making new memories just the three of us, I love the times we spend together.

Time with Jill, JoDee, Kaylin, phone conversations with Daniel heal my heart, messages on Facebook, emails, talking to Poppa today, my new friend Elizabeth, GOD has me covered. I don't have a hard life, I have a blessed life.

Christmas Eve is going to be a full day for me and for that I am thankful. I am going to be able to have hours of it because I can't sleep, should have time to get those cookies iced, presents wrapped, a hot bath, read a book, and maybe just maybe catch a nap before it's time to pick up Jesus' birthday cake before the store closes.

Merry Christmas Eve, thank you GOD for blessing me with those who truly love me and want me in their lives.

Thank you for Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus !!!