The Best Christmas I Didn't Plan To Have

This Christmas Eve was one if the hardest I have ever experienced. Try as hard as I could, it just didn't go very well. Keeping Ian and Carter Dean unaware of the pain I feel is the most important thing to me right now because they have suffered so much. The happy face I put on fooled the boys, but not the grown ups.

Christmas Day, Jesus Birthday proved to be a very difficult day starting off. I had trouble just getting out of bed, getting dressed and getting out of the house. Church however was wonderful, GOD inspired Daniel with a wonderful message from the heart, I read to story of Christ birth to my church family, we gathered around a beautiful pristine white cake and sang Happy Birthday to Jesus. We shared petit fours with gold stars, white cookies and white cake balls. It was amazing to celebrate Christ birth in a new way. After church a friend of mine shared a beautiful memory of her Dad from Christmas past. We cried together and laughed together.

What was I to do next, everyone had some place and someone to go to, I watched as they scrabbled off in a hurry to their happy places and felt lost again. I knew where I was headed, but it was a lonely journey. Headed to Wilson Cemetery I reflected on the many Sunday trips I had made there for the past 9 months, everytime I come the wind is blowing so hard, the cows are crying, dogs barking and it's beautiful there. Today when I arrive, it's calm, a gentle cool breeze it blowing, the cows are quiet and the only sound in the distance is that of a chainsaw. I sit at D's graveside in silence when I begin to hear the quiet voice of GOD speaking gently and beautifully to me.

GOD tells me to look around at all of the graves here, many people have buried a spouse or child, HE tells me that I am not the only one feeling lonely today, He assures me that if it were not for the gift of HIS son JESUS being born TODAY, this would be were it all ended. The grave would be all there is. But, GOD said to me, because I love you enough to gift the world MY son today, you will see your sweet husband and son again some day. You will live together forever. The grave is not the victory, death has not won, I HAVE !!!

GOD's words were very clear, a peace came over me and the sadness, lost and lonely feeling was gone. I knew in my heart what I had to do. So today, I didn't come home from church, cover up and feel sorry for myself, I spent the day spreading GOD's love of joy, happiness and blessing to people that I love. In return I was gifted with laughter, joy, hugs, friendship, memories and joyful noises to the LORD.

Jesus' birthday cakes left on doorknobs for friends, surprise visits and Christmas dinners to family members, visiting friends in nursing homes, quiet talks with friends who are in pain, joyful play with my grandchildren, watching a redtail hawk soar in the mountaintop, seeing nine deer grazing in the sunset and hearing the sounds of GOD's voice speaking to me in the stillness of a cemetary were only empty tombs of believers remain.

Merry Christmas to you and yours from our house to yours. May GOD have blessed you with the Best Christmas you didn't plan to have.