Open Your Heart To Healing

Sometime in the middle of the night or early morning hours of my sleep, D came to see me. It was the most wonderful real time I have had with him since he went to Heaven.

It was so hard to put into words,what is going on around me these past few days but I sense a change and I am afraid to embrace it.

One moment there was my wonderful vibrant husband alive and well, sitting in the jeep and he is driving me around. He has on a his baseball cap, glasses, his lightweight camo jacket, black jeans and boots. Odd though, he is sitting on the right side of the jeep, but he is driving. He is healthy, he has a smile a mile wide on his face and he is so happy to see me. I can't talk all I want to do is touch him. I remember he said "go ahead, you can touch me, it's okay."

Gently, I stroke his beard and run my fingers over his face, his lips. His smile never leaves his face.

He reminds me that an unloaded gun will not protect me and that I must be mindful to always be on alert of things and people around me. To be protected when I am alone. In an instant we are beside the bed and he is showing me again the proper way to load my gun. Remember he said "I showed you how to do this, let's go thru it one last time." I feel his hands over mine as we open the case remove the gun and go step by step thru the process of loading and unloading the gun. Once he feels that I have mastered the process we are back in the jeep.

D is still driving in the right had side and there are hugh I mean hugh holes all over the road. He said "those are the holes in your life since we left you. You have to find a way to heal, you have to find a way to fill these up and open yourself up to living again." He darts back and forth around and around sliding close to the edge of one, reaches for a stash of candybars at the edge of his seat-(odd because he really didn't eat these when he was alive) and says"You have to learn to love again and quit leaving on the edge of life." He puts a bit of candybar in his mouth smiles and in a second we are out of there.

The last frame of my vision of my husband is me standing beside the jeep, he is sitting on a four-wheeler, smiling, happy and whole. He looks at me and says"You have to let me go and learn to love again." Tears streaming down my face I beg him not to leave me and cry for him to come back and see me again, please please come to me again.

D looks at me with all the love in his heart and that heart stopping smile and says - "It's not allowed, to much protocol." I almost laugh. He said "Till death do us part"

I feel the tears streaming down my face, and D and his four wheeler disappear from my sight.

When I awake I bow my head to Abba thanking him for the blessing of the visit from D.

Before I arise, I check expecting to find my gun loaded and tears on my pillow but alas, it was afterall but a dream.