I want a do over !!

Do you ever go thru a day wishing that you could have a do over? Seems like lately I have been walking in someone elses body and when I get to the end of the day I wish I could have a do over. I see the pain in a wife's eyes, hear the heartbreak in a Father's voice, watch an old friend fight for his life, feel betrayed where betrayal doesn't exist.

Choices are presented to me, decisions are made, feelings are expressed, opinions are given, only those who have walked where I walk would understand why I feel so strongly about the things I do. Isn't it terrible, but I am thankful for those people who have experienced such a tragic loss as mine because they get the bad choices I make because they to have spoken from their hearts and said things that others don't understand.

Life is cruel enough without the people that love you adding to your pain. This weekend I want a do over !! Eleven months without D by my side, I sat at Bo & Lori's grave on Saturday and just sat and sat, empty of emotion, pain and feeling...just sitting, this empty feeling as if everything inside of me was void, the vessel was drained of all I am...where was I, who have I become..I felt as empty as the day Bo and Lori were killed. There was no pain, there was NOTHING !!!

Slowly so slowing GOD begins to awaken my soul and remind me of all the beauty of the life HE has gifted to me. HE and HE alone allows me to continue to live this wonderful life. HE shares with me the beauty of the place where I am. This cemetery is peaceful, calming and restful. The sky is blue with wisp of white clouds, the air is crisp and cold and I have the vision to see it with.

I have a life full of blessings waiting for fill my life, slowly, slowly the vessel begins to fill again, the images of those who complete my life creep into the empty spaces and fill every space so that the vessel is overflowing. If Noah were here he would have to build an Ark for the flood of tears that I cry for the emotions that begin to rain from my body.

GOD is great !!! HE and HE alone sustains me - I don't want a do over, I might have missed something important if I hadn't of been given this wonderful life I have. Thank you GOD for refilling my vessel every time I need it.