Learning To Check Back In

It has been almost a month since my last blog. Doesn't seem possible, I love writing here and talking out the things going on in my life and my heart.....but I have recently checked out...taken an emotional vacation so to speak...I have been fighting and fighting to check back in, but don't know if I am going to be successful or not. Some would say "Oh she is just depressed, others might say she is rude or detached, others may just look at me and wonder when is she ever going to get it together. It has been long enough for her to move on !" Well, I am moving on, I get up everyday, go thru the motions of living and go home at night and go thru the motions. I laugh, I love, and I love BIG !!

I breathe, I eat and I live, but I don't feel...I'm not depressed, I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm not lonely, I'm just me. I just don't feel inside - I went thru this before and I came out of it so I know with GOD"s help I will come out of this as well.

The Holy Spirit lives in me and fills me up with joy that keeps me waking, working, sleeping and being thankful for all the wonderful blessings in my life. The Holy Spirit keeps me from sinking into the dark abyss of depression. The Holy Spirit lets me see the goodness in those around me who continue to pray and lift me up, who know that no matter the amount of time that passes they know time is un-measurable when you are physically separated from those you love.

GOD is carrying me thru my weakness. Sometimes when HE is quiet I feel HIM holding me, gently brushing my hair, softly stroking my cheeks and rocking me in HIS chair. I feel HIS arms holding me at night when I go to sleep. He is my constant companion. That is why I am never alone or lonely. GOD is always with me. With GOD I am not detached, with GOD I feel, I can be myself, open and honest, I can bare my soul and let the sadness out. GOD can see the real me and HE and HE alone understands. With GOD I am the real me and it feels good. I love ABBA my FATHER. Thank you for allowing me to be silent, for allowing me to check out to give me time to heal in my own way my friends. I am never far from you should you need me. I am never in danger or dangerous because ABBA is my constant companion, we talk, we sing, we laugh and we cry. HE is healing me when there seems to be no room for healing. Stand by me and I will stand by you, just as HE stands by all of us.