Victorious - One Day At A Time - The Beginning of Year 4

Time heals all wounds they say - today another milestone comes and goes- today once again we mark  yet again one of those days that changed the lives of so many people.  We arent' any different than any other family.  We haven't lost anyone for we know exactly we D is, we are just temporarily separated from his physicial presence, but the longer he is away from us the more his absence is felt -at least by me.

Every year I go through this and every year I think I will be stronger.  I pray, I meditate, I talk, I listen, I wait.  I pray for Jill and the boys that they will be able to deal with today better than the year before.  I pray for my friends and family as I watch them going through their own losses and grief.  If only for a brief moment I could teach them something that could ease their pain.  If only they could learn for a moment the importance of touch, of kindness and of walking away when your heart can endure no more.

This is the time of year when I live the movie Sixth Sense- sounds weird by true - I see dead people - don't freak out - I have dreams of those who I love that are in Heaven, Bo, PeWee, Uncle Bob, Grandma Fern, NaNaw and Ethel.  The ones last night were fun and they were all laughing and playing together outside the house on Emma street.  Bo was a little boy and he was in desperate need of a haircut.  He had on his blue winter coat, smiling, laughing and being the center of attention.  I said "Bo, we have to go and get that hair-cut."  He laughed and said "not yet Mommy, I have fun !" -

Even some live people thrown in there for good measure - Pammy Cowan was there so I know it was a memory from somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind.  I remember giving Uncle Bob a dollar and saying hold onto These are all people I love and care about.  D wasn't in my dream but that doesn't hurt or bother me.  He is in my heart always.

It doesn't bother me because there is no hidden message here, I have been talking to my Reeves' family a great deal the past few days due to illness so they are on my mind - so please don't go thinking I'm crazy - dreams are what they are....they reason I tell you about my dreams is this:

There are so many people hurting, loving and dealing with loss, disease, accidents and unexpected death.  GOD will help you deal with each, but I can promise you that each day will not be easy.  Somedays it is hard to want to even get out of bed, somedays I want to escape from the world and run away, somedays I want to be happy, silly and pretend that everything is great and other days I just want to be.  That is all okay too.

As long as I realize that there is no such thing as normal anymore, that life, death and the physicial absence of the people you love most change your "normal".  Once you quit trying to fit into everyone else's mold and start leaning on HIM, you become stronger.

The next 3 weeks mark some of the most difficult weeks of my life.  I will survive because that is what HE deems that I do, but I will survive one day at a time.  I do not ask or want your pity.  This is my life.  I do not ask why me, why not me.  I am not alone, there are so many of us out here walking the same walk, writing the same story.  Our smiles are a little crooked, we love differently, we laugh a little to loud at times and we cry when you don't or can't understand why.  But............we are our own new normal......Victorious one day at a time !!!!