Holy Week starts with Palm Sunday

Today is Palm Sunday - Sing Hosanna Sing Hosanna Sing Hosanna to the King of Kings ! We didn't sing that at church today, but I sang it in my heart because I forgot to buy the palms for the kids this year.

Imagine thats one more thing, one more item that I would normally do forgotten, lost in the great black hole of grief. When the person you love the most gets a Heaven Day, you get forgotten days, missed appointments, past due notices, misplaced items and forgetfullness. You get confused dates, odd looks when you remember the most unusal things in the most inappropriate places and you get no palms for Palm Sunday.

Holy Week started anyway minus the palms and no one was the wiser but me. GOD didn't care and it is just one more thing that I have to let go of. Church was wonderful, the beginning of Holy Week. It has always been one of my most cherished times of my life as a believer. Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, the Crucification, The Resurrection and Easter Sunday.

This year while our family is reflecting on the blessing that GOD has given to all of us with the gifts of Holy Week we are also reflecting on the catastrophic events that have shaped our lives since our last Easter.

This beautiful week of promises is the week that I will be praying for the most strength, for understanding that I am not being selfish to grieve when GOD has promised me so much. For compassion and forgiveness towards the man who killed my child. For joy to celebrate the promise of Jesus. For wisdom to help my daughter as she deals with the absence of her big brother.

This is our first Easter without D. Bo and Lori were killed the Saturday before Easter. This is my first Holy Week without my person, my grief partner, my lover, my friend by my side. It is a time for a new beginning of family traditions that include D and Bo in a profoundly different way. I am praying for GOD to guide me into church on Sunday to celebrate, praise and worship HIM rather than tuck myself in my grief box and shut the world out. I will be keeping my eyes firmly on the cross this week, keeping my eyes on Jesus praying that HIS grace and mercy will guide me as I feel the struggles of this first tearing at the edges of my heart.