Tulsa Time with Toni

Another new adventure for me - Yesterday marked six weeks since D got his Heaven date - Oh, how my life has changed so much in that six weeks. In seems like I have tried to live a whole life time in that six weeks. My amazing and wonderful friends has continued to surround me, cherish me, love me and embrace me. They pour their friendship over me with new adventures and activities in an effort to show me GOD's love in ways I didn't know existed.

Friday night my friend Toni took me to Tulsa. What an amazing time we had. D and used to go to Tulsa all the time. I can't remember the last time I had been there and was a little anxious about all the old memories that it would bring up, but it was soooooo much fun and the memories were great. I enjoyed sharing them with Toni and making new and different kind of memories with her.

My life will never be as exciting, challenging or complete as it was when D was alive, but I can see that GOD has such a renewed purpose for me. HE does not intend for me to be empty because HE continues to pour that love all over me, over and over.

Today Toni and I went out to eat, went shopping and just laughed and laughed. We shared stories of the loves of our lives, our husbands. We got lost and didn't care - we just had a girl day, ate to much and had fun doing it.

Now, I am home in time to rest, relax and get ready for the first day of the week - Sunday - GOD's day - (they are all HIS) Preparing for Bible study on Monday night - exciting

I read that when someone you love dies, you have to develop a new self-identity. I understand that, my identity is so tied to D that this development will take time, but I can truly see that in six weeks time GOD is molding me, changing me and strengtening my faith. HE is finding ways to make my self-identity more positive and more confident so that I can serve HIS purpose more fully.

When someone you love dies you must also continue to be their "flag bearer". I do so for D and Bo, they will always have my heart, they will always be one of my purposes and part my identity.

D prayed for me daily, for my faith, my failures, my weakeness and my strengths. He was my champion and my "flag bearer". Now I find that on my grief journey that not only am I becoming the person that GOD wants me to be but that person that D always prayed I would be as well.

Tonight I thank GOD for my wonderful husband, my beautiful son, my fantastic daughter, two amazing grandsons, a loving son-in-law and host of friends who continue to embrace me, love me and are willing to share their lives with me. Tonight I thank GOD for the blessing of being HIS.