The Haunted and The Blessing

Having become one of the haunted, I wonder if people can see it when they look in my eyes.  Do they know the visions that keep me awake at night, do they see past the pasted on smile, the to quick humor, the smart remarks and to sharp laughter ?

I am haunted every night by visions of my loved ones, those living and those living in Heaven.  They visit me in pleasant ways and in memories past.  They awaken me with love, sweetness and comfort, sometimes with tears, heartache and pain.  They never leave me these visions, these companions of mine, they are with me always.  Some nights, the visions are both comforting and terrible at the same time a mixture of pleasure and pain.

Why or why, there was a day that I couldn't remember these visions and now I can't forget them.  Are they asking something of me?  Are they telling me something?  Are they just waves of more grief that I can't shake?

No, I am not crazy, I am not depressed and I am not in danger ! I am a woman who loved a man and her son.  A woman who has yet been able to learn the fine art of letting go.  Dreams of Bo's near death experiences through out his life chased me all night, how would our lives had been different if one of them had been the end so long ago instead of 04/03/2010.  Then D visits me with love, gentleness and a sweet presence, comforting me as I grieve over Bo's absence in my life. 

Then in the stillness of the night I once again realize the D's presence is but again a gift from ABBA to ease my pain and I thank HIM for HIS generous gift, missing D all the more.  I smell him, I feel his presence, I long for him, I ache for him, the sound of his voice, the beat of his heart, the very sight of him.

In the stillness of the night with only GOD by my side I lay awake praising GOD for the beauty of my life, the joy of my living, breathing child and grandchildren.  I pray to embrace the life and blessings that I have and the day to come.  Thanking GOD that the mask I wear tomorrow will not shatter and the world will yet again see the light on the one true risen Saviour who sustains me when all else fails.