Beyond that I was taken to the memories of the love of George Burns and Gracie Allen. I watched their show many times, loved their interaction and the love they had for one another. What a great couple, what a true love, such chemistry. A match made in Heaven. I remember how sad I was for Mr. Burns when Gracie died. A man I didn't know, but a love that I like so many others were allowed to be witness to.
GOD granted me such a love in a man named David. He was my George and I was his Gracie. We weren't perfect, we didn't always agree and we didn't always get along, but.....our love was intense, passionate and fierce. It was deep, consuming and life alternating. We became the beat of each other's hearts, the brightness in the storms of life, the open arms for holding and the very best and worst in each other. We became one.
I miss being loved totally for all the good, bad and ugly that is in me. I miss his presence, his smell, his sounds, his laughter, his quick wit and yes, even that quick temper at times. I miss his exceptional mind and the way he challenged me and made me a better person. I miss his physical touch, the way he made love to me making me the most beautiful person in the world. I miss being loved so intensely that I physically hurt from the loss of such a wonderful man, but......... the one thing I don't miss about D is the cancer that killed him.
Life has changed so sharply from where it was not to long ago, just when I thing I am moving forward I find myself slipping backwards into the arms of grief once again. There is no reason, maybe it's because it's fall D's favorite time of year, maybe it's because our anniversary is coming up, maybe just maybe it's because I am just as in love with the man as I was the first day I fell in love...I don't know.
What I do know is that grief has no time table, makes no sense, it's just what it is ! I also know that time doesn't heal all wounds, that is doesn't get better with time and you can't just "suck up and deal with it".
The greatest thing I miss about D is sharing his love of GOD with him, praying with him and growing in our faith together.
I know that this is not my home, that someday I will join my sweet, sweet D in our glorious home and be glorified with Jesus. When that day comes I will be the happiest girl in the world. In the meantime, I will continue on the journey that I have been chosen for, I will continue to allow GOD's light to shine, but I will always miss being loved like D loved me - I miss being Gracie to my George !!
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